In early 2007, back when I was still trying to figure out how to achieve consistent results picking up women in bars and nightclubs, I took some time to look back over the successful pickups I’d had over the past 6 or 7 months to see what common patterns I could pick out among them.
I noticed a few trends: I’d often had a sociable night early on, talking to different people, before meeting a girl. Sometimes I had social proof.
And almost ALL the time… I had preselection.
It blew my mind when I realized it.
Right after I’d end an interaction with an attractive girl who clearly had a good time talking to me, I’d meet the girl I’d end up picking up. Like clockwork. I even started to think that, had the roles been reversed – say, had I met the girls in the reverse order, maybe I would’ve picked up the other one instead.
Could it be that all you REALLY needed to get girls was preselection and an emphasis on moving fast?
Even to-date, most of my fastest pickups have come after a smattering of preselection to grease the wheels of the coming seduction.
And if you’re not using it in YOUR interactions with women… you are sorely missing out, my friend.
Allow me to explain.
Mate Poaching: Not Just for Chimpanzees
In a paper entitled «Who’s chasing whom? The impact of gender and relationship status on matepoaching,» published in 2009 in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Jessica Parker and Melissa Burkley arrived at the following results:
“Are women more interested in men who are already in a relationship? Female and male participants who were single or in a relationship viewed information about an opposite-sex other and indicated their interest in pursuing this target. Half of the participants were told that the target was single and half read that the target was currently in a relationship. The results showed that only single women were more interested in pursuing an attached target rather than a single target. We discuss how these results add to what is already known about matepoaching.”
In other words, the women who were unattached were MOST interested in the men who were ATTACHED.
Now… that’s odd, isn’t it?
Well, not really.
If you consider female evolutionary strategy, it’s primarily about minimizing risk.
The men are the risk takers: from a purely biological standpoint, you could go out and have sex with some undesirable girl, get her pregnant, and never have it slow you down one bit because you’re on to the next one. A woman, on the other hand, if she sleeps with a random guy who isn’t all that great and becomes pregnant HERSELF… historically, now she’s stuck (these days, she’s got a few options, and society is a lot less judgmental than at most other times in the history of civilization… but still).
Now, ethics and morality play a role of course in how freewheeling you as a man will actually be, and how choosy as a woman she will actually be, but this is the underlying in-built awareness we each have as separate genders:
- If you’re a guy, sex is cheap – you only have to stick around if you want to
- If you’re a gal, sex is potentially very pricey – it might come with the price tag of a lifetime
For that reason, women tend to be a lot more choosy in whom they mate with.
(at this point, a few guys always get upset and say, «Women are NOT choosy… they keep sleeping with bad boys and avoiding guys like ME!» but this stems from an ignorance in those men of what it is women are actually looking for in mates, rather than any kind of faulty programming in women)
Except, every guy KNOWS this and every guy wants to PORTRAY himself as one of these guys.
And women know guys do this.
So how’s a gal supposed to know who’s the real deal, and who’s just selling snake oil?
The Role of Preselection in Mate Selection
One of the most fascinating things I’ve noticed has been women’s sensitivity to social proof and preselection in ALL things… not just mate selection.
Many times I’ve stopped by a restaurant with a girl, only to have her complain that she doesn’t want to eat there because the restaurant is empty and mustn’t be very good. Or, I’ve gone to an amusement park, but she’s had us shy away from the rides with no lines and directed us towards the ones with the longest lines.
I see an empty restaurant and think, «Great! Fast service!» I see a lineless amusement park ride and say, «Excellent! No waiting!»
But a girl sees these things and thinks, «Uh-oh… why isn’t anyone ELSE here?»
Well, in order to rule out the guys who are all talk and no walk, women have a lot of mate selection techniques that parallel this line of reasoning exactly.
Creepy guys aren’t creepy because they’ve got horns growing out of their foreheads. They’re creepy because women’s subconscious is using aversion to prevent any mating «accidents» from occurring with men it’s deemed undesirable to mate with.
Just look at the things women find most attractive and how they come about in men:
- Confidence, self-assuredness, and other forms of nonverbal attraction that develop in men as they become experienced at getting women and have already been with a healthy number of attractive women
- Social proof and obvious alphaness (not acting like an alpha, but actually being witnessed AS the alpha – the guy who’s the leader of the group) where a girl sees a guy being revered and respected by others, especially if they’re others she admirers, accepts as peers, or aspires to join
- Preselection – actually seeing a guy with attractive women who clearly like him
- Generosity (giving something significant to a friend or even a homeless person, say) and throwing money around / engaging in conspicuous consumption (we haven’t covered this one on the blog because it’s the hardest to train up unless you’ve actually got the money to do it, but the effects of conspicuous consumption are actually almost as powerful as preselection itself, which is arguably the most powerful aphrodisiac)
These are what you’d call evidentiary proof of his social and sexual attractiveness, and these features are way, way more important to women in mating and attraction than anything else a man could say (easy to lie) or do (easy to pretend).
Because THESE things are nearly impossible to pretend.
Your nonverbal fundamentals, social proof, preselection, and conspicuous consumption are, you might say, your tools for blowing away a woman’s objections to mating with you.
You really only need one of them to get girls at least some of the time. Combine two of them, and you’ll be a rock star. Three, and you’re a god with women. All four, and you can have any woman you want.
But if you’ve only got to choose – or, if you’re just starting out and don’t have the confidence and vibe down yet, and you’d really like to get a few layups in the game – the most powerful of these, hands down, is preselection.
Why Preselection Kicks So Much Butt
I’ve had nights where I’ve been feeling pretty «off,» but through sheer dumb luck (and a little bit of trained-up skill) I managed to have a decent conversation with a girl, and had it end amicably on a nice note. Immediately after, on some of these occasions, I’ve had girls come right up next to me.
These girls blow open. You can open them with a direct opener, an indirect opener; you can even botch the opener. You can talk about the most stupid things in the world. Much of the time, it doesn’t matter, so long as you move things forward rapidly.
The reason why I say many of my fastest pickups have come after a preselection event is because the girls you meet immediately after you’ve been preselected tend to be really, really warm to you.
Now, what this means:
- I’m not talking about meeting a girl and then meeting the girl right next to her, although that can work sometimes too, but the hit rate will be lower
- Rather, I’m talking about meeting a girl, and then meeting the girls who come up and position themselves near you or start doing things to get your attention afterward
What’s happened here is this: women are highly socially attuned, so when they see a woman is talking to you and clearly engaged and possibly attracted, they take note. They mentally jot down, «Hmm, he looks like a pretty good bet to be a viable mating option,» and start keeping an eye on you.
You trigger that same switch in single women that attached men do in that study from earlier.
And then… the girl you were just talking to leaves… and this new girl suddenly shows up or catches your eye (or, sometimes, I’ve a few times had girls interrupt my conversations with other girls to introduce themselves and make themselves known – this is, in as few words as possible, the girl making it as clear as she possibly can to you that you need to mate with her immediately – just follow your process and move fast).
It ends up working like a sort of «peacocking on steroids» – you’re using the girl who’s preselected you to show off to other women that, yes – I am a man other women want.
And everything’s a whole lot easier after that.
How to Use This in Your Pickups (and Elsewhere)
Because preselection is so powerful, you should be looking to use it as much as possible.
It can almost be a magic pill when you’re still starting out: you don’t have your sexy vibe down yet, you don’t have a solid process, you don’t ooze confidence and drip charisma and emit mating signals like the guy who’s been at this a long time… yet, a little preselection, and suddenly it’s all but in the bag with the next girl you meet.
This works great for experienced guys though too: rather than spending an hour showing her your qualities, you can do it in minutes. You can have her out of there with you in minutes. It adds a degree of consistency and reliability to your pickups that it’s hard to find without it.
Preselection is useful in one other area too: restoring attraction in relationships or «just friends» situations. It even works when you’ve inadvertently placed a girl in auto-rejection; preselection is one of the very few things that can bring her back.
Preselection is the power to attract women at will… so long as you can let them see you being attractive to other women.
When I was starting out, preselection was one of the things I spent a lot of time getting down. I wanted women to see me being attractive to women. It makes your life easier… significantly so, in fact.
And here’s how you use it:
- First, find a spot that’s conspicuous where you can talk to women. If you’re in a bar or a nightclub, this is often in the center area of a mostly-empty bar, or just off the dance floor, again right in the middle of the room. If you’re in a store or a mall or an office, this is out in the middle of dead space, smack in the center of the place. If you’re in a classroom, this is up at the front of class, in front of everyone who’s sitting behind you.
Note: there’s some risk involved here – you lose face if things don’t go well, but you look like every girl’s dream guy if they do. You’ll have to gauge accordingly. Also, if you’re at a bar or club, you’ll want to choose a location that will be easy for women to approach you in – mind the Law of Least Effort. Women are naturally attuned to this, and if she’s got to walk halfway around the bar very conspicuously to get near you, she won’t do it. Make sure it’s easy for her to reach you. You can sometimes adjust if you met a girl in one place by moving somewhere closer to the girl you want to approach you afterward to give her an opportunity to get nearer.
- Then… talk to women! You want to get into a conversation with a girl – the prettier, the better. And at least ONE of you should visibly be having a good time. It’s better if she is and you’re aloof… but if she isn’t biting or is being the aloof one, you can still get some mileage out of having a good time yourself (laughing, talking animatedly with her), though it won’t compare with what you get if you do a good job with her and SHE is clearly the more interested party. The girls who are watching you are sharp cookies – they can tell if she’s feeling you (or not).
- Next, wait for the girl who’s going to position herself near you once you’re done talking to that first girl. Occasionally she’ll open you herself, but don’t count on this. Girls are most likely to approach you the first chance they get – she’ll position herself next to you right after you finish talking to another girl at the bar, or she’ll brush up against you right as you’re leaving class, or she’ll veer over to walk near you at the mall or in the office.
- Open her fast, and open direct. Don’t beat around the bush on this one. She’s nervous, excited, and sees you as a rare treat – one of those few men that she KNOWS is a good bet – other women like him! Don’t hesitate – she’ll lose her nerve quickly, think you’re out of her league, and auto-reject; rather, jump on the opportunity the instant it presents itself, make her feel good, and say hi. «Oh hey,» you might say to her as she brushes by you – then stop and wait. She turns to face you, and: «Your walk… [pause] it’s absolutely killer. I just noticed that… it’s kind of hard not to, though. I’m Chase.»
- Move fast. You know the mantra on here… don’t stand around wondering what to do; instead, keep things moving. That’s even more important here – if she’s seen you talking with another attractive girl who likes you, she’s ready, much of the time. Use the minimal amount of steps required to progress things forward with her, and get her moving with you and somewhere the two of you can be alone together as rapidly as you possibly can.
And, the fun thing about preselection is that sometimes the girl you started talking to for building up your preselection rating is actually really into you already in the first place! You’ll also have a much easier time meeting new women if you still grapple with approach anxiety if you’re going in with the understanding that this first girl is just to get some preselection going on… you won’t be so worried about how things go with her, necessarily.
When girls already see that other girls find you to be a sexually exciting and attractive man, everything else with those future girls you’ll meet (or ones you’ve known for a while whom you’re trying to excite about you once more) goes so much more smoothly you’d be amazed.
Talk with you next time.