I’ve seen several posts describing posture, how you should walk, how you should keep your head up… throw it all out. All of it. Forget it.
Here’s why… when you focus on the small details; keeping your shoulder back, or having a good posture, you very well may present an image of confidence. Great, so why am I saying throw it out then? Well, your mindset doesn’t match your body language. You’re micromanaging how to keep your limbs, posture, and tone your voice. This is actually counter productive to the overall «mission» of confidence. Not only that, but people are going to challenge you… they’re not going to feel it, they’re going to feel you trying to create the image of confidence.
What you need to do is mimic the mindset of a confident person. Over time, when coupled with self improvement, you will gain huge amounts of confidence that won’t falter. The type that isn’t faked and won’t break down in a moments notice. You aren’t worried about adjusting your posture, or keeping your head up… you have the mind state of a confident person, you are confident. It won’t be challenged, people will believe it, because it is true and even if it is challenged, you won’t falter… because you believe it.
The core component of confidence.
As I said before, the core component of confidence really comes from self improvement and development, you need a reason to be confident. For many, confidence developed early in life because people around them «gassed» them up. They were constantly validated. Whether that was based on looks, intelligence, sense of humor… this will tell you where that person feels most comfortable. Though, there is a problem with this, when people tell them they shouldn’t be confident, they might listen to them about that as well.
True confidence, one that doesn’t waiver, stems from the individual them self, believing in them self. You can’t «gas» yourself up for no reason and think that’ll stay around through thick and thin. You need a reason to be proud of yourself. Create yourself through self improvement and betterment.
What does the mindset of a confident person look like?
Here’s an interesting fact; your subconscious mind doesn’t want to believe something just because someone said it, it wants some kind of proof. If you sit down each night and repeat to yourself, «I am confident, I am confident, I love myself,» over and over again, it won’t mean shit. Your subconscious mind will answer back, «who are you trying to prove it to, and why can’t you walk into a room without wondering who just got done talking shit about you?» None of this will work. You’ve got to prove yourself, to yourself.
So the mind of a confident person is one that has been built. You’ve got to trust your skills, you’ve got to understand that you’re going to fail and that failure is the only thing that makes us worth the skin on our back. It isn’t how we react to success that matters most, that is easy and any fuck anywhere can do a good job at that, it’s how we react to failure that matters.
If you lack the skills, the game to talk to women, you’ve got to get out there and prove to yourself that you can get women. Same applies for any other principle of confidence. Notice how I spoke about failure first in the paragraph above? That’s because you’re going to fail. Depending on where you are in this development, you may need serious overhaul. You may have whimped out of talking to women more than a few times… here’s the irony, you won’t gain the confidence to open random women, unless you open random women. You’ve got to go out there, fuck up, and then get back on the horse and do it again. You’ve got to do this whilst simultaneously improving yourself. What you’ve got at the end, is someone who will need to learn some humility, and to need to learn that, isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Where should I start?
If I handed you a pencil and a sharpener, and told you to sharpen it, you’d do so confidently. You wouldn’t hesitate, you’d pick up the pencil and the sharpener, and do it. You’d laugh if I said it was amazing how well you sharpened the pencil. And that is because it is a skill you acquired when you were a child. There is no pressure, it’s simple.
Thus, we can say you’re confident in the pencil sharpening department.
My point is, you’ve got to understand we all have different levels of confidence, in different departments. You may have been or are confident when it comes to math, but not so much when it comes to history.
In order to become more confident for your history test, you’ve got to study, then you’ve got to quiz yourself.
Then, you can say, «I feel much more confident about this test.»
So in any area of your life, you can build confidence. For some, those areas are going to take more effort. If it’s a totally new experience, it’s going to be hard at the start, but with time, you’ll feel more and more comfortable with doing it. Again, this applies to any area of your life that confidence is lacking, the model doesn’t change.
Lastly, if you’ll remember from what I said earlier, confidence isn’t something built over night. It takes proving your subconscious mind through repetitive action to really let your confidence shine. Learn game, develop your body, and go out there and prove to yourself what you can do.
Edit: I wanted to add, the times you don’t open a girl you want to, are the times you’ll remember. Sure, the most awkward situation in the world may stick in your head, but you’ll laugh about that shit when you reach a level of mastery, I do. You won’t laugh when you remember how much of a pussy you were «that time.» Make your own luck, and don’t be afraid to fail.