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Relación a Largo Plazo – Parte 1 – Cómo mantener el relato

Vos vas a ser la calma. Vas a ser la calma antes de la tormenta, la calma en el centro de la tormenta y la calma que destruye inevitablemente a la tormenta.

Como decimos acá bastante segudo en todo contexto que tenga que ver con las mujeres, mantener el relato es crucial para la estabilidad y duracion de la atraccion en la relacion. Este es un racconto sujetivo de mis ideas sobre el tema.

I’m a big supporter of LTR’s for myself. I’ve never lacked in success with women and never had a thick set of beta traits that hamstrung my goals, but I also didn’t always succeed. Some of the ways in which I absolutely failed before was maintaining frame. A man needs to be perceived as strong and immovable in what he wants, at all times, even if this sometimes ruffles feathers. The discomfort a woman may experience over your stubbornness is almost always temporary but comes down to the issues you’re being stubborn about, don’t be a stubborn jackass over anything and everything like a temperamental child. When your partner gets a feel for how single-minded you are in procuring and protecting your genuine interests, she will eventually link this to your desire for her. As an aside I wouldn’t advise telling your partner how seriously dedicated you are to them unless you also detail the consequences for shattering your expectations with things like disrespect, cheating, and good old mutiny. You are the captain, and if your crew attempts to subvert your authority, you will decisively correct and/or obtain a new crew.

This actually begs a metaphor that I’ve enjoyed and may help you understand relationships a bit better. You are the captain, and each of your two dozen crew members are different aspects of your partners personality. You encourage some to work harder, correct any of them that get out of line, and you work as a team to achieve your goals. This said, if there is a failure in your crew, then you have failed them in some way. For those who believe that women have no honor, are immature in their mindset, that they can never truly love you- then you should agree with me more than others who don’t. You are 100% responsible for the ships successes and failures. If you fail to have a clear mission, to be seen as a successful and competent Captain, to look after the needs (not necessarily the wants) of each of your crew members, and reward your crew commensurately- you should not be surprised if you find yourself vying for control, or they leave entirely.

As is also often said here, you must establish an accurate image of what you want early on in the courtship process. This usually includes a heavy emphasis on sexuality as that’s partially a requirement for men who agree to be tied down even if they actively seek a long term partner. It’s easy to find a bad relationship with an unpreferable woman, I’m sure a majority of us have experienced this, but it’s much different to find an appropriate or near optimal partner and be sure she falls in line to the tune of your desired relationship structure and goals for it.

I’m a stoic man, not a lot phases me, and I find this to be CRUCIAL to success. Consistently pulling and keeping your partner inside the frame of your expectations is great, but maintaining your own frame is of the UTMOST. You don’t always need to be leading explicitly or trying to nudge your partner into compliance, you need to be put together well enough on your exterior that she desires to follow and doesn’t need implicit or explicit nudging to meet your needs and desires- you want the crew that wishes to honor all the strength you show and give to them by association. Stoicism does not mean you have to be unemotional, but my expressions are strictly constrained to positive and neutral emotional states. Stoicism consistently exhibits a quiet strength that people notice, and it has subtle effects on the people around me. If you slip into more neutral behaviors like being quiet or slightly withdrawn, it’s taken very seriously by people who respect you because they KNOW by experience that you’re not given to emotional displays. Without much expressive effort on your part, your partner or anyone else who knows you will begin to think about what may be going through your mind, and will often seek to address.

As I said, the biggest way I’ve failed before was because of losing my frame, and dropping my stoicism as well as my leadership out of weakness was an enormous hinge to why my partners had lost respect for me because they had come to rely on that strength. When I stopped exhibiting only positive and neutral emotions, this consistently ruined the feeling that our relationship was a net positive, she had little patience for the new contrast. Even if this was not at all true in an objective sense, the feeling that I was failing meant I was a failure. The feeling that I was weak meant I was weak. The feeling that I was acting unnecessarily emotional meant I was unnecessarily emotional. If, as this sub posits so often, the feels dictate the actions of women and form the content of their opinions (see: rationalization hamster), then anything she thinks or feels of you is YOUR responsibility to inform by example. Don’t think women can be objective? Then you already accept that EVERY failure is yours.

You have to be immovable so that she feels safe when her emotions roam, and to heed your guidance. She will be tied to your centered disposition, and you can always tug her back toward you to limit her stress and emotional fallout. I’ve insinuated myself so well that I don’t have to do much in order to have this effect on my current relationship. Something as small as «Stop it.» or «This isn’t a big deal» is enough to encourage my partner to venture back toward the center, and reduce negative emotional content. In my relationship I always get her to ease up, and to rely on my strength and reason to help her every single time.

Maintaining frame is a dynamic thing, one can’t be told PUA like steps to making sure you’re on the straight and narrow. There are two primary points I want you to keep in mind at all times.

TL;DR

You are a man.

You are her captain.

Treat your crew well, but do not tolerate insubordination. Your behavior matters first and foremost, you are 100% responsible. Failure anywhere on the ship is your responsibility. Once negative behaviors are largely curtailed in favor of mutually constructive actions and respect, you can navigate and achieve much more successfully as a unit.

(Enlace al original en ingles)

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